hitting the wall

Creating a new painting is a little like running a marathon.  I’ve heard people talk about the psychological aspects of marathon running and I can see similarities with my painting process.

How to explain that?  A lot of runners talk of the moment they ‘hit the wall’ the moment when they feel like they can’t go on and its just too difficult – self doubt and physical pain.  When I paint I rarely get the physical pain aspect – but I do hit a wall… and if I allow myself to give up or stop painting at that point the canvas will not be a success…. if I move on through – and just go with it, not giving up, the painting is likely to work out.

This week that very thing has happened.  I started a new painting on Monday morning.  The Antrim Coast… inspired by our fabulous visit this summer.  For two days I sketched and painted, and at one stage I had this painting in front of me that was a realistic painting of the view to Cushendun from a northerly point along the coast.  but it felt wrong, forced, too representational, not a ‘Heather Duncan’.  If I had been in the studio on my own I would surely have had a loud tantrum, but as Ian and Lindsay were there I quietly but forcefully scrubbed the painting off and got over it… and started again.  Still I was forcing something.

This was the wall.

I got more and more frustrated and then, sure enough, that little censorial voice started its poisonous whispering.  Telling me I was rubbish – obviously. Telling me all those things that you start to believe when your self-esteem starts to dip.  In the past I have sometimes given up at this point.  But if I don’t, if I carry on then this is the moment that I climb the bloody wall and defy that censor!

And this week I carried on.  Listened to Eddie and travelled back in my mind to Atlanta and painted the wonderful memories I have of Sope Creek and the woodlands in which we lived.  I chilled out and allowed the painting to flow out of me without trying to force it.  Here is the painting… all in oils on canvas 100cm by 100cm.

To The Lake

proper grown-up

I get my new car today.

I’ve never had a new car before.

I’ve always had bangers that I intercept on the way to the scrap heap…. but today I wave goodbye to my faithful little red heap that has served me well over the past 3 years and say hello to my Nemo….. is it a fish or an alien?  Kindly and endearing Rob (grumpy and sarcastic by turns) who I  share a studio with believes it to be the ugliest vehicle barring the multipla… Lindsay agrees.  I think it has a kind of deformed cuteness…  But aesthetics apart its very ‘green’, cheap to run, and has enormous painting carrying potential.  Having a new car – makes me ‘proper grown-up’.

I am pretty crap at this blogging, it must be said.  It seems a pointless venture unless I have something earth-shattering (or even mildly interesting to say). Rob seems to think that boring blogging on a daily basis is what blogging is….a long twitter…. but i just can’t be bothered.   Lovely Jen thinks that Twittering might be a way of me getting to chat to Inspirational Eddie… but I don’t think for one moment that he twitters – surely he has too interesting a life to waste time saying totally crass or mundane things?

Backspacer – the new PJ album came out this week, hopefully it will provide me with more inspiration…initially nothing grabs me as strongly as most tracks on the Yield album which still remains my fave after many years.

Ang updated my website last night.  I wish it could be done by me… but I’m still not IT literate enough to be able to do it.

Lots of new paintings have been added – mainly to galleries 7 and 8.

Brimham Rocks III - still wet!

Last week I delivered 4 new paintings to the Edgar Modern in Bath.  These 4 are going to be in their new show Align at the Bath gallery and may also be seen at the Affordable Art Fair in London in October.

To Crater Lake, at Edgar Modern

The 5 paintings that were hung at the Royal Derby Hospital which form part of the Autumn seasons’ AIR project are receiving great feedback.  We are hoping to have a dscussion/workshop about these paintings with staff from the hospital, maybe sometime in October.

Hanging the paintings at The Royal Derby

in conversation with Matisse

Another beautiful sunny day, it always seems to be so when Ang and I go to London.  This outing was to attend the Private View of Abstract – the latest show at the Belgravia Gallery which features 8 pieces by me.  And the work of 4 other Artists.  One of those artists is Dion, who we met last year at the opening of the Rising Stars exhibition.  Really lovely guy.  And his new stuff was fantastic,  his star is definitely in the ascendancy – next year he is due to have his first solo with the Belgravia – amazing stuff.  I’ll be there for that!

Even before we got through the front door into the gallery we were excited as they had used one of my new pieces in the window!  Fantastic!  Ang ranted (in a happy way) that he hadn’t seen this piece before – and why not? he asked – if he had have seen it -  he says – it would be on the wall at home.

.... the one in the window

Once through the door and into the gallery Anna, Laura and Lorraine were all really welcoming, as they always are.  It’s great to be represented by them, they’re professional, encouraging, supportive and friendly.  And the gallery always looks so good.

We had a fabulous night.

Oh, and the Matisse.  Angus and our lovely friend Dawn had gone for a little walk around the area, peering into the exclusive shops and galleries of the area.  On his return he was excited to tell me that there had been a Matisse painting installed in the front window of a gallery diagonally opposite the Belgravia, and the angle at which my work was being displayed mirrored the angle at which the Matisse was displayed…. and so, they were in conversation across the street…..

a good news week

Some days are great.  And when you string a few of those days together you have yourself a fabulous week!

On Monday afternoon I spent a wonderful two hours in Repton.  At the preview evening (Derby Museum and Gallery) a couple of weeks ago I briefly met with Margaret Orrell an artist in residence at Repton school who is also responsible for organising the exhibitions in their three gallery spaces.  I had known of the gallery on the high street in Repton, but hadn’t seen the New Court Gallery. Margaret and Jeremy (Director of Art at Repton) had invited me over after seeing mycurrent solo show in Derby, with the hope that I would like to exhibit there next year.

The current exhibition is the work of Michael Porter.  It looks amazing in the New Court.  The space is light and airy with a huge glass frontage.  I was blown away.  Michaels’ work is fascinating, the larger pieces are all hanging in the New Court Gallery and the smaller pieces are in the No 1 Gallery, a much more domestic scale of gallery space.

It is such a wonderful opportunity for me.  I warmed so much to Margaret, and also to Jeremy in the brief time we talked.  It will be tremendous to hang my work in the New Court, and I am already planning ahead!!

The show will be Easter time 2010.

The other good news was from Gallerytop, they had sold Enclosure II during the Survey Exhibition.  Hurrah!

When I turned on my computer this morning to check my mail, I found another great piece of news awaiting…. Lee Benson of No9 The Gallery in Birmingham had been trying to get hold of me as he had sold Presence!!  Not only that but he wants more large scale works from me… asap!

Good news indeed.  So a great week so far.  And its only Wednesday!

But there is still a lot to do in the here and now.

The Belgravia want around 7 pieces for their summer abstract show which opens on the 16th June.  Its going to mean a trip down there in the car in the first or second week of June, to deliver the canvas’s.  I have completed a series of abstract landscapes for them and am really excited about having them there again.  They are such a fabulous gallery to work with.

They are using Red Texas to advertise the show in Modern Painter… hee hee!  So much good stuff happening!

Remembered Landscapes

Friday night was the preview night for my solo show at the Derby City Museum and Art Gallery – Remembered Landscapes.

Lots of people turned out for it, faces both familiar and new, and it was a great evening for me.  I didn’t expect many people to be there as I had had several messages giving apologies from friends and contacts, but thankfully my expectations were wrong and it was an evening of interesting conversation and a lot of laughter.

Thre may also be some interesting developments born of Friday evening conversations.  I’ll keep you posted.

The highlight of the evening for me was meeting John Fineran.  John is an artist and writer and much respected Art Critic.  Last year he reviewed my solo show at the Tregoning gallery and I have been extremely thankful for his insight and his praise of my work.  It was lovely to meet him and make a connection… and importantly, get the opportunity to thank him.  Hopefully we will meet again, as there is little I like better than friendly and interesting conversation about art with artists

photo evidence!

In action last night at the Bonington, with the action of painting projected on to the back screen for the audience to see…

Late night Jazz

Birdfood and I performed our first gig last night at the Bonington Theatre in Arnold, Nottingham.  Nottingham Jazz hosted the event and there was a tremendous turn-out!  Last night was the first gig in a series that will stretch from April through to November.

I had been nervous about the event, painting is such a private and intimate experience, I usually hole myself away in my studio, headphones on listening to 65 Days of Static or Pearl Jam, getting lost in the music and my painting… Last night I was part of the floorshow, painting live on stage in response to the fantastic music that Birdfood create.  I’m a complete novice when it comes to Jazz, and this isn’t your mass-market easy-listening or popular jazz classics… this is jazz as it should be, moody, thought-provoking, improvised, dark and light, emotive…. it was amazing.

Birdfood are a group of four extremely talented young jazz musicians from the Conservatoire in Birmingham.  Tom the band leader is a mean Double Bass player, Sam 1 an inspired and amazing drummer, Sam 2 a gifted trumpet player and finally Alex an equally talented and compelling saxophonist.  We were joined by the highly regardedsaxophonist Jan Kaplinsky last night and together they produced some truly beautiful and unique sounds to which I responded in paint.

Initial nerves soon left.  I painted at front of stage, my board angled so that the guys could see what I was painting, in order that they could then respond to my gestures and colours.  (Thankfully I couldn’t really see the audience as that would have been a bit too much of a distraction!) After the interval I was asked to introduce myself to the audience, telling them what it was all about.  When Tom first asked me to do it I felt a little apprehensive at what the audience expectation might be… would they be expecting a finished painting as seen in exhibitions?  If so they would disappointed… This event is about response and inspiration, it’s about the ricocheting of ideas back and forth between the music and the painting…

I usually work on canvas in oils, but for these rapid responses I was working in water-based media, inks, acrylics, gouache, household paint charcoal and pastels, with just a small amount of oil stick too.  I worked with my board propped up against heavy boxes so that I could sit on the floor surrounded by my materials to make my responses more immediate…

I’m so excited by how it went for us all and by the responses from the audience.  I’m already looking forward to the next one!!

Lots happening……

April is going to be quite a month for me with work showing in a variety of locations.

Firstly, new pieces will be showing at the Gallerytop ‘Survey’ Exhibition that runs from 4th April through until the beginning of May.  The Gallery is at Rowsley, just on the doorstep of Chatsworth, a beautiful location.

Red : Texas  oil on canvas  2009

The following Saturday I have a solo show opening at Derby City Art Gallery and Museum.  Remembered Landscapes.  There will be a number of pieces that have been completed over the past year and a half, all of which have their starting point in landscapes, but vary from fairly representational through to extremely abstract.  The exhibition involves the input of two different community groups, the Derwent Art Group from Chaddesden and Year 10 pupils from Sinfin Community High School in Derby.

Over the past fortnight I have spent time with both groups engaging them in discussion and written responses to the pieces that will be on show at the Museum. I was blown away by some of the responses – especially those of the pupils at Sinfin. Their responses are included in the interpretation for the exhibition, come along and have a look and a read.

I also appear in this months Derbyshire Life magazine as their featured artist, Ashley Franklin came along to my studio in late February to interview me and take a few photos.

April also sees the initial performance of Heather Duncan and Birdfood at the Bonnington Theatre in Nottingham.  Birdfood are a young Jazz group, made up of final year students from the Conservatoire in Birmingham, a few months ago their double bass player contacted me and asked if I would be interested in painting my responses to their music.  We’ve had a rehearsal and it went well.  Goodness knows how it will go on the night, but there isn’t a right way or a wrong way…. hopefully the audience will enjoy both the music and the art.

resurrected

Its been a wee while…..

In fact this is like starting afresh as the last post was October, and in that third of a year I have had some very high highs and a very large down.  The  down is just petering out now early March, having consumed me in early December.  Following the great high of completing the 2 pieces for a private commission at the end of November my Muse left me stranded…. All inspiration dried up and confidence went.  I recognise that these are fairly commonplace to most creative types – the artistic soul being an angst ridden self-doubting mess much of the time.  But this low was LOW.  I couldn’t paint through being too scared to try.  I worried so much about forthcoming commitments that I had already organised for the New Year that I couldn’t sleep, and therefore, could not summon up the confidence or energy to deal with these commitments.

So how is it that I am painting again now?

The love and support of a great man, and great friends who manage to guide me through and the care of a patient and understanding Doctor who has helped put things into perspective – sleep has been restored.

We can do anything, achieve our goals,  so long as we sleep.

I think that my problems are all created by one little word.  The word is “Yes”.  The more I say it the more worried I become about not delivering …  But, I feel incapable of saying “No” as I start to think I might not be asked again!!  “No” may cause offense.  Daft, I know.  So I have temporarily stopped saying yes – to everything- to be able to get a hold on the things that I need to deliver.

That has given me some space to put things into perspective.

I have this strange way of looking at the work that I do, and feel that paintings that are familiar to me must be familiar to others.  So ‘new’ work quickly – in my skewed way of thinking – becomes old work.  And there in lies my problem – of putting too much pressure on myself to meet these demands.  I feel like I have to constantly provide brand new, only-just-dry, work to the galleries that represent me and for any exhibitions that are forthcoming.

A good talk with my good friend and colleague Hannah Fox helped to quieten that – and I am now happily curating an exhibition of my work from the past two years for a spring/summer show at Derby City Art Gallery.

Before the exhibition is mounted at the gallery, I am running two workshops, one with school children from Sinfin Community School and one with the Derwent art Group.  These workshops are all about talking about and responding to Art.  The workshops with the two groups will be concluded by their written resposes to my paintings that make up the body of the exhibition and some of these responses will be displayed next to my paintings.

Another very exciting development is with a gifted young Jazz musician who is currently finishing his studies at the Conservatoire in Birmingham.  Tom Bunting approached me and asked if I would be interested in performing with him live on stage… painting to his improvised Jazz…

Wow.

The idea has taken off and so far we have 3 definite gigs booked and two potential gigs…..

I’ll tell you more soon.

The above painting is one of the ones I have been working on since coming out of the gloom.  It is still wet, finished last week.

Dramatic Skies Over Pendle Oil on canvas 100 x 100cm

I grew up in the shadow of Pendle Hill and this is my first painting of it.

20 out of 20

I had a great meeting today with Lee of Number 9 The Gallery in Birmingham.  It was the first time we had met, and after an hour it felt as though we had known each other a fair while, with shared passions for Art in the widest sense. He had seen my work in an email submission that I had sent over to him last week and was sufficiently interested to want to come over and see the work in the flesh.  It is something that i really enjoy doing, meeting with new people in my studio and introducing my work and process…. thinking back a couple of years and it was a completely different story – my confidence and self-belief has really grown in recent months. So he has selected 6 pieces to show. These include:

Given Form

 

parting

fragments II

I will deliver them to the gallery after half term, which gives me plenty of time to get them ready for hanging.  It is a fab problem that I now have…. so few paintings left in the studio that I need to get cracking to make sure that I have enough for open studios and other forthcoming events!!

It has been a really successful couple of weeks in terms of researching and approaching galleries, hard work paying dividends.  And now it is half-term…. Lovely.   I am looking forward to spending some time with Ig and Leo visiting friends and family, and the blessing of not having to get up too early in the morning.

20 out of 20?

Iggi’s times’ table tests.  Well done Igster!

x